First, make clear the meaning behind the other's words, focus on the problems in communication, and enlarge some key details, just like picking up some hidden data in the content with a small tweezers.

Two, in order to show that in the same channel with the other side, using more meaningful words to imply consistency and consistency of goals, we can quickly establish a cooperative atmosphere.

When you communicate with people in a sense of coherence and sense of value, the other side will be taken to the new direction of thinking. This technique is called "stack up".

Three, we should explore more possibilities from the motives and thoughts of the other side, and guide the other side to notice different methods and skills of the same meaning, find other choices at the same level, enrich the mind and life, and so on.

It's called parallelism.

These three directions of language skills are collectively referred to as "piled up and cut parallel" techniques. The trick is to expand the depth and breadth of conversation from three angles of up, down and parallel, in order to make conversation more effective, communicate more smoothly, communicate more conveniently and understand better.

The purpose of stacking is to introduce more extensive or far-reaching significance, such as finding out the fundamental motivation of the other person to do things.

For example, if your friend says he wants to travel, you can ask him, "why do you want to travel? Why?"

He may reply to "relax, tiredness and spend a pleasant time with your family", and you will understand his thoughts.

比如你接到了兩個公司的offer，你在糾結(jié)選擇哪個工作機會的時候，也可以采用上堆的方式跟自己對話：“這份工作對我來說有什么意義?我能夠從這份工作中得到什么?哪份工作帶給我的價值是更符合我的終極目標?”再比如，一個銷售人員不愿去拜訪客戶，跟他溝通的時候就可以詢問“為什么不想去拜訪客戶呢?你覺得拜訪客戶對你來說意味著什么?”(上堆)他可能會說他害怕被拒絕，這個時候就可以繼續(xù)上堆：“被拒絕意味著什么呢?”(上堆)他可能會說被拒絕讓他覺得很尷尬、沒面子之類的，這就上升到價值觀層面了，從這個層面就能夠看出，這個銷售人員比較重視個人形象和名譽，自尊心很強，接下來就可以從這方面來加以引導(dǎo)。

The undercut is to refine and split the other's words in order to understand the deep structure of the other language.

If you understand the specific facts of a certain statement.

For example, the other side said, "my leader always challenges me."

At this time, you can ask in a downward way: "how does he make you difficult?" the other person may reply: "he always says I am not strong enough."

Then he continued to cut: "he said," what kind of things are you carrying out? "

Through the undercutting, you can slice the whole layer one by one to find out the truth of the matter.

For example, the salesperson who doesn't want to visit a customer on the top, when we are talking with him, we can ask him: "why do you think the customer will refuse you?" he may say he is not familiar with products, or is not strong enough to sell, and so on. At this time, we can further cut: "then what aspects do you think is improved, and the customer may not refuse you again?" when he answered this question, we would then discuss with him how to improve this ability.

Therefore, the undercutting method is to grasp the key points of the other's words and inquiries deeply, so as to narrow the scope of the problem and find the core and breakthrough point of the problem.

Then we will guide each other to see their specific words or feelings behind them, so as to make objective judgement and find out a favorable solution.

The parallel method is based on the other party's actions, and explores other feasible solutions.

And... "

Sentence patterns.

It is a skill to break through communication barriers when talking.

If you want to change jobs, we can first use the pile up method to ask, "why do you want to change jobs?"

When we have learned that you want to change your job because you want to enhance your influence in this industry, you can ask in parallel method at this time: "to enhance the influence in the industry, in addition to changing jobs, are there any other alternatives?" in this case, you may find that not only can you change your job to help you achieve this idea, maybe you can also achieve this through entrepreneurship, partnership with people and special consultants.

。

We usually use three language skills at the same time.

A company planning department manager puts forward the training needs, and hopes to train the staff of the Department's speech skills. The reason is that in every proposal, he finds that many of the employees are not sufficiently expressive enough to show the image and explain the lack of vividness.

In the early stage of training needs research, the training department found that many employees in the planning department did not consider themselves lack of speaking skills. They generally believed that they had strong language skills, especially that they were very professional and did not need training.

So, the training department first launched a scenario simulation activity around the topic of "show your ability to attract customers", and asked some of your colleagues, such as the company's sales department, commodity department, etc., to interact with customers to simulate the customers, and evaluate the proposal of the planning department.

When I found my score was very low, many planning department employees couldn't think of it: "I have good eloquence and high professionalism, how can I not attract customers?" at this time, the training department passed through the heap and cut parallel.

Skills, talk to the planning staff about this.

Planning department: I am very professional. My proposal contains both the analysis of the current market and the prediction of the future trend.

Training department: from your proposal, you can really see your major.

At the same time, we have to think about whether I want to show my expertise to clients or do I want to attract customers through exhibitions?

Planning department: to attract customers through professional exhibition.

Training department: can we really attract customers now?

Planning department: from the feedback of everyone, it seems impossible.

Training department: why not? (undercutting)

Planning department: the evaluation table shows that we are not vivid enough, and the whole feeling is rather stiff, so that the content on PPT is not effectively presented.

Training department: if this approach is not enough to attract customers, then what ways can we adopt to achieve the goal of attracting customers? (parallel) has it been found? When you use this language skill, you can guide your thoughts to a more meaningful, more valuable and easy to reach consensus level. When you use parallel technology, you can guide the other side to see other choices in the same sense; when you use the method of cutting down, you can go deeper and more specific.

Through this kind of language skill, we can show the deep structure that leads to trouble, guide the other side to think effectively, break some limited thinking that we have set up, discover the meaning and method neglected in the past, and effectively change the later concepts and behaviors, so as to solve the problem smoothly.