When a friend is sad and sad, many people are persuasion, "don't cry, be strong."

Or help analyze the problem, tell him "what should you do", and others will criticize the other side: "I told you earlier..."

In fact, these practices can not only comfort people, but also make the other side more sad.

Therefore, comforting people should also talk about psychological skills, and give them the most satisfying comfort according to their psychological activities.

To listen to each other's distress, the relationship between life and experience, family background, education and so on has formed a different understanding of each person's distress.

Therefore, when trying to comfort a person, we must first understand his distress.

It is more important to listen to words than to comfort others.

A depressed heart needs gentle listening ears rather than logical, clear headed heads.

Listening is to listen to each other's voice with our ears and heart, not to inquiries about the cause and effect of the matter, nor to rush to make judgments, to give the other space space, so that he can express his feelings freely.

When we listen, we should feel the same. The other side will perceive our inner waves.

This is the best help we can give to those who are comforted, if we can "mourn his sadness and be happy with him".

The biggest obstacle to accept the other's world's comfort is often because the comforter can not understand, understand and identify the pain that the parties think.

It is easy for people to limit the definition of distress to the scope that they can understand. Once this is beyond the scope, there is no reason for "bitterness".

Because of what others say about "bitterness", comforters are prone to resist in the process of listening, and can not wait to put forward their own opinions.

Therefore, comforters need to abandon their deep-rooted beliefs, admit their prejudices, and truly stand at the other side's perspective to see the problems they face.

This is the reason why psychologists say "let go of their world and accept the world of others".

The best comforter is to temporarily lay down himself, walk into the inner world of the other person, and see his experience with his eyes instead of making judgements.

If you want to explore the way of the other side, the Comforter will often feel that he has the obligation to propose solutions for the other side.

As everyone knows, every tortured person has had a series of trying and failing experiences before seeking comfort.

So, what we need to do is to explore the way the other party has gone through and understand the experience of its struggle, so that he can be heard, understood, recognized and told that he has done enough and good enough. This is a consolation.

Psychologists remind consolers that an important concept is "comfort is not equal to treatment."

The treatment is to make people change, to break the pain by change, while comforting is to affirm its hardship and not attempt to make the attempt to break it.

In fact, in the process of comforting people, any solution provided is likely to fail or not to apply, so that the other side will be disappointed once more. Without intervention, giving no opinion, listening, understanding and recognizing its distress, it is the highest principle of comfort.

In addition, it is a comfort to accompany each other for a journey.

The other side will feel safe and warm under your company, so he will pour out his pain, tell him his resentment, remorse, regret, and say everything he wants to say. When he has experienced the storm, his heart will gradually calm down, and he will face his experience in a calm way. He will truly appreciate your company and feel that he has come by his own strength.